2004-06-13 05:23:23 UTC
If you are one of the many Westerners who harbor the myth that most or all
Russian women are desperate to leave their country or want a green card, then
please read my article below and consider the 12 points that I make which prove
that it to be a narrow-minded egocentric American myth. These points are based
on my experiences of being 6 months in Russia, visiting 9 cities, and meeting
hundreds of people there.
12 Reasons Why Russian Women Are NOT Desperate To Leave Their Country
A Complete Debunking of the American Myth
By Winston Wu (***@aol.com)
This article addresses a myth that comes up often during discussions about
Russian women. Many ignorant Westerners (who have never been to Russia
obviously) believe that most women in Russia are desperate to leave their
country and get a green card to America, or they pose that as the explanation
for why Russian women treat us men so much better and are more open and
friendly than their Western counterparts. This myth is especially common among
feminists and arrogant men. These people make snap judgments about something
they know nothing about. However, this common myth is completely wrong, and I
will demonstrate this from every factual angle. Allow me to elaborate.
Before I begin though, remember that Americans are not the standard to compare
the rest of the world by. Just because people in other countries are different
from here doesn't mean that they must have ulterior motives. Why can't people
be naturally different or have different attitudes and behaviors without having
ulterior motives or something fishy up their sleeve? Furthermore, American
women are not the default standard set by God for how all women should be, and
thank goodness for that too. America is a strong capitalistic country with
values that encourage individualism and selfishness. Therefore, countries
which have a different social/economic system and values are obviously going to
cultivate different kinds of people. It is as simple as that. To expect
otherwise would be unrealistic.
1) First of all, the simple fact in reality is that most women in Russia are
NOT trying to leave their country to live abroad. (In fact, most people in any
country are not trying to leave it.) Through the many diverse Russian women
I've met and interacted with in 9 cities over 6 months, here is what I've
learned. The average Russian woman loves to travel to other countries due to
their love of foreign culture, curiosity, and sense of adventure. But they are
not looking to move abroad permanently. It is rare to find one who has a sole
purpose of moving abroad.
Now, let me tell you this. I've met about 115 women in Russia. Out all those,
only about TWO of them want to emigrate to America (and I mean move there, not
just visit). That's TWO out of 115! Do you really think that 2 out of 115
constitutes a majority? lol I hope that you realize how silly this myth that
you harbor is now!
In fact, the percentage of the female population in Russia who belong to
marriage agencies is far less than one percent of the population. According to
the statistics on the Myths section of Elena's site
(http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm) the percentage of the women in Russia
affiliated with marriage agencies looking for foreign men is about 0.13 percent
of the total population. That's almost a tenth of one percent! Such a stat is
only an estimate of course, but the point is that the women looking to leave
their country for good is a very small percentage of the whole, contrary to
what many Americans believe and what our media likes to perpetuate.
Those that are considering moving abroad are not usually desperate to do so
anyway. It is extremely rare to find a person in Russia who is desperate to
leave their country, but as always, those who are are the ones who make the
news, hence getting attention which contributes to this myth. As a matter of
fact, many women who join internet marriage agencies are not even willing to
leave their country, but are just scammers without serious intentions who get a
high off of having men come and spend money on them, wine and dine them, etc.
And among the sincere women in marriage agencies, they are usually just
considering it as an option anyway, not basing all their hopes on it. Their
view is that they would consider moving abroad for the right man that they fall
in love with, but relocating is not their primary objective. Finding the right
man for them is.
And even among these few who want to relocate, most of them prefer Europe
rather than America because 1) the proximity is more convenient to allow them
to come back to visit their families, and 2) European culture is closer and
more compatible to Russian culture.
(On a side note, I have melded and adjusted to Russian culture before, and I
can tell you that Russian culture in general is not compatible with American
culture, and neither are most European cultures. Hence there are very few
Russian/European immigrants to America compared to Asian and Hispanic
immigrants. However, Russian culture is compatible and complementary to most
European cultures, and that is why the transition between them is smooth and
pleasant, which I know from experience, whereas the transition from Russian
culture to American is very psychologically painful, disruptive and disturbing
in many ways.)
This myth began as a rant started by feminists to defend their pride against
the tide of Western men who are looking for women abroad, painting the men as
desperate losers and the foreign women as conniving users who want a green
card. The media further perpetuated it to appease these feminists, whom are
the main audience for their advertisers. Besides this, our media's other
purpose is to motivate you to get up and go to work or school everyday to keep
our economy/society productive. One of the ways of doing this is to make you
think that other people are worse off than you and would give anything to be in
your shoes. And of course, bad news sells better for the media and its
advertisers, since people like to believe that others are worse off than they
are and would give anything to be in their shoes, to keep themselves motivated
in their current situation in life.
To get an idea of Russian people's views, check out these interviews with
everyday people there at this site. You will see that almost none of them are
trying to leave their country.
Now, here is a challenging question for the Westerners out there who believe in
this myth. I have heard that in Saudi Arabia, the natives see Americans there
who came on a spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca, which they consider the spiritual
center of the world. This leads them to assume that most Americans must be
desperate to leave their country to come to Saudi Arabia and Mecca. After all,
that's what they see happening around them. Now, let me ask you this. Are
they right that most Americans are trying to leave their country to find
salvation in Saudi Arabia? Is that what they would find if they came here? If
not, then why not? After all, that's what they see going on in their country.
They are doing the same thing YOU do, looking around their immediate
surroundings and making snap judgments. You see a few Russians around you in
your country, hear stories on your news, etc. and assume that most Russians
want to come to your country. Therefore, their reasoning process is no
different than yours. Do you see how faulty and narrow your myth is now? Now
you should understand what I've discovered in Russia, which is that people in
general there are not desperate to leave their country at all, which is what
Saudi Arabians would discover about America if they came here.
In fact, there's really no such thing as a "Russian mail order bride" anymore
than there is a Santa Claus. You cannot just go online and "order" a wife or
bride. That denigrating term and concept was created by our media for
political and social reasons to help foster patriotism and appease a feminist
audience. You can read about this in more detail at:
Also check out the FAQ's and misconceptions section of:
Sorry folks, but the truth is, in real life you can't "buy" or "order" a bride
from Russia, contrary to the fictional concept created by our media. Those
marriage/introduction/dating agencies out there simply allow you to purchase
their womens' contact information, not sell away their individual rights.
You've still got to win their hearts or attraction to you. Of course, there
are prostitutes in Russia that you can buy for a while, but these internet
marriage/dating agencies are not in that business. They are either legit, or
else they are trying to scam you with fake photos of women. But in either
case, they are NOT letting you buy or order actual women to be brides. Of
course, these agencies all have their share of gold diggers, visa whores, and
leisure snoochers, but they have many quality women who are not like that at
2) Second, as I mentioned above, most of the women that are in those online
marriage agencies are NOT there for the sole purpose of getting out the
country. They are there because there is a shortage of good men in their
country who behave decently and can financially provide for them (see the next
point on surpluses and shortages) and they want to see if they can meet such a
man for them. IF they meet that right man, THEN they will consider relocating
to his country if he wishes. But their main objective is NOT to get out of
Now, if you want to claim that some of these Russian women want a foreign man
because he has more money and is a better provider, that may be a factor, but
you've also got to ask yourself, how is that any different from an American
woman (or any woman for that matter) who wants a partner who is financially
stable and a good provider for the family? Such double standards are too
prevalent in our society. Motives are not mutually exclusive, contrary to what
some ignorant people want to believe.
Also, even with the ones that want to leave their country, at least they want
to leave with someone they LOVE and is COMPATIBLE with them, not just anybody!
Just because someone wants a foreign mate doesn't mean they'll take anyone!
Common sense should tell you that. Think about it and put yourself in their
shoes. If you wanted to move to a country by marrying someone there, would you
take anyone, or something you are compatible with and love? Likewise, if an
American woman wanted to have children and raise a family, do you think she
will just marry anyone who could give her that? No, of course not. She would
want the right person for her and her future family, someone she's compatible
with who has the qualities that she desires, who could capture her heart and
provide for her. So would you say then that her ONLY motive for being with any
man was just to use him? Obviously not. So why would it be any different for
a Russian woman who wanted to marry a foreigner? People are so quick to
believe the worst about others, which is sad because it marks a sign of a
3) Third, in Russia there is a big SURPLUS of attractive mentally healthy
single women, rather than a shortage like in the US. In the US there is a
surplus of nice good single men and a shortage of nice attractive mentally
healthy single women. As a result, even the less attractive women in the US
can afford to become pickier, and good single American men can easily have
trouble finding available decent women. Just go to any bar or nightclub in the
US and you'll see that usually the men outnumber the women. And even the
unattractive women in those places seem like princesses to the surplus of
disgruntled chumps there. It's a really pathetic scene for the nice guy.
But in Russia, the deck is stacked in the average man's favor rather than
against him like in the US. The surplus of available women is another factor
in why Russian women are friendly and approachable.
In fact, a Russian woman I am corresponding with named Natasha wrote this below
in response to my question of why she was seeking a foreign mate.
"Why do you seek foreign relations?
Because its very difficult to find someone special in my city. I live in a
small city, we have a lot of girls, but not many boys. Some of boys doesn't
want to have serious relationship, they want to have girl for one night, you
understand what i mean. Some of them like to have fun and not care about
future, some of them marryed and some of them prefer to drink to much. That is
why i'm trying to find someone special abroad."
Well she has a good point here if you think about it. If the women outnumber
the men, then the men will be less inclined to marry or have serious
relationships because they are able to play around and have multiple
relationships at the same time. Not that that's a good thing, but that
describes the nature of many men. (However, I have to admit that
unfortunately, this also means that many Western men who go to the Former
Soviet Union will also be tempted to not get serious in a monogamous
relationship, and instead just to play around with multiple women.)
4) Fourth, the women in Russia are naturally communicative, curious, and
intellectual. They typically have a wide variety of interests too. Therefore,
they are obviously going to be naturally outgoing and communicative with me out
of sheer curiosity if nothing else.
5) Fifth, I can tell you from experience that overt friendliness and
hospitality is an integral part of Russian culture. As my friend Masha told me
after my first 6 week trip to Russia:
"I don't think that Russians treated you so well only to your being a rich,
Hospitality is an integral part of Russian character, and you can see it during
travelling by trains when people in one compartment became good friends,
spending together not much time and treating each other with their food. On my
way to Izhevsk, I was in one compartment with an old woman and spent 2 days
together and she told me about all her life since her childhood and when she
got off the train( but earlier than I) she introduced me to all her relatives
who came to meet her at the station. So, don't think that you was met good only
due to your been a foreigner, rich foreigner, may be, you can't understand why
they did so, and I can't explain-it's Russian character, if you'll come to
Russia again and live for a while, may be then you will understand and even
Well she was right. After 6 months in Russia the second time, I experienced
what she meant. I definitely felt the hospitality and friendliness that was an
integral part of Russian culture and soul. It is something that exists
naturally, straight from the depths of people's souls, without agenda or
motive. And it's sad that many Americans cannot fathom such a concept that's
above their heads, since in our western materialistic individualistic society,
actions almost always have motives and agendas. That says sad things about
what our society, though economically prosperous, has become. Our mistaken
mentality is that just because we tend to be agenda-driven, does not mean other
people are too.
6) Sixth, Russian women come from a different economic/social system than
ours, which give them a different mentality and social attitude than us. Our
country is based on a strong capitalistic system that is Darwinistic in nature
and fosters individualism. Competition is the basis of our culture and
economy, and therefore becomes our mentality as well. This means that people
either have money, or they are striving to be better than everyone else. This
competitive mentality eventually leads us to become more "stuck up" toward
others than we would otherwise be. We evaluate others in terms of their worth,
and compare ourselves to them. This creates a rivalry mentality that leads
fellow human beings in our country to see each other as opponents or
adversaries. And sadly enough, having a lot of money and material possessions
changes your attitude toward others, making you more spoiled and "stuck up".
On the other hand, countries like Russia are accustomed to a more socialistic
system that is less individualistic and competitive in nature. Therefore,
people's mentality and attitude are going to be different obviously. In poor
countries, people don't have as much money and material possessions, so
therefore they are not so spoiled and "stuck up" as people in capitalist
countries. What they lack in material assets, they make up for in personality
and soulfulness. It's a simple trade-off here. In the US, it's vice versa of
course. Therefore, it is not realistic to expect them to be the same as us
(and thank goodness for that). And that's one reason why people in general in
Russia are more open and friendly. Therefore, the major factor in why Russian
women are so much friendlier and open has to do with the economic/social system
they live under and the mentality it produces, and not because they are
desperate to leave their country.
7) Seventh, women in Russia have a natural admiration for men, as long as they
are good, decent, kind, and have good character. They do not have the deep
rooted hatred for men that American women have who were brought up with by
their mothers, peers, and feminist media. Any sane man would obviously prefer
to be around the former than the latter, since obviously the former brings out
the best in men while the latter brings out the worst in them.
Nowadays in America many women seem to have a deep-rooted subconscious hatred
of men. Even if they like a man at first, they seem to look for excuses or
ways to hate him later, even going so far as fabricating reasons or
manipulating facts. First they bring out the WORST in them, and then use that
AGAINST them as well, justifying their hatred of men, and making it a no-win
situation for the man! Not all are like this of course, but many are. It
seems like some kind of psychosis or control drama that has become a disturbing
pattern. Every man's nightmare is seeing his woman whom he thought loved him,
suddenly becoming cold, cruel, and flaky. It's a creepy and shocking
In addition, nowadays American women don't even NEED men anymore, so they treat
them as expendable and unnecessary. They have all the advantages in our
society now - money, career, the legal system on their side, the ability to get
jobs with their looks rather than qualifications, etc. and they simply don't
need (or even like) men anymore. That's the growing trend, and with their
goddess mentality, they demand that men be submissive, lest they be seen as
creeps or chauvinistic pigs.
In fact, all the foreign people I've met in my travels seem to either have a
negative opinion of American women, or else they've heard nothing but negative
things about them. Now, do you think that's a pure coincidence? Do you think
that's due to no fault of American women? Do you think this international
reputation of women in America is the result of "evil American men"
(sarcastic)? lol What does common sense tell you?
8) Eighth, there are many American man/Russian woman couples who live together
in Russia. I have met some of them too. If the Russian woman in these couples
was desperate to leave their country, then why would they choose to stay in
Russia? Some of the men in these couples told me that their Russian
wife/girlfriend preferred to stay in Russia, and so they stayed with them.
9) Ninth, the Russian women I met who weren't seeking relations with foreign
men didn't treat me any less better than those who did. They were willing to
spend time with me, and get to know me or date me. The same goes for those who
didn't have a romantic interest and just wanted to be friends.
10) Tenth, if they were desperate and saw me as a ticket out of Russia, why
would some dump me if they didn't think we were compatible? And why didn't I
get a 100 percent response rate from the ones I wrote, if it didn't matter who
wrote to them, only that he could take them out of their country?
11) Eleventh, here is another good point made on an internet article I read
that I didn't consider before. It made sense and is another factor at work
here, so let me quote it.
"The truth of the matter is, that the percentage of Russian women who are
looking for their "soul mates" through the internet is no greater than the
percentage of women from western countries such as England, Canada, Australia
and the United States who are searching the Internet for their future
Here is an interesting tidbit: With the population of Russia at approximately
170 million people as compared to the United State's population of more than
250 million people, why is it that you don't see as many dating agencies from
The answer, is a simple one... CHOICE!!!
Women, from the USA and most other Western Nations have choices to use or not
to use the services of a dating agency. Almost all women from western countries
have computers at home or at work. The Internet services in most of these
countries are ridiculously low when compared with the cost of the same services
Only a few very big Russian cities such as Moscow and St. Petersburg have
Internet services that are more or less affordable for an average person.
Russia is a huge country, with its eleven time zones from East To West and is
just now establishing Internet services. It is only within the last three or
four years that the Internet service providers have begun to take hold within
Russia and the fees for their monthly services are out of reach to most Russian
citizens. It is not uncommon for most Internet services to cost $100.00 or
more, a month. With the average salary, for example, for a Russian doctor being
around a $100.00, it is a luxury few citizens can afford. But, we are talking
about a single woman or a one-parent household.
Do you think that the average American single mother could afford this kind of
money for Internet services? So, this is the reason why you see so many Russian
dating agencies! Russian women HAVE TO USE their service!"
12) Twelfth and finally, despite all of the above, the bottom line here is
that women in Russia are almost ALWAYS APPROACHABLE! That is the reality,
regardless of the reasons for it. Whether they want to meet you or not (and
often they do), whether they are interested in you or not, whether they are
single or not, they are ALWAYS APPROACHABLE at least! They almost NEVER give
you that look that young attractive American women do when you approach them
which implies "Who are you? I don't talk to strangers. If you don't know me,
you aren't supposed to be talking to me.=3F This means that you never feel
awkward, uncomfortable, or like a creep for approaching them, regardless of her
interest level toward you. You feel like there's nothing to lose. And that's
a BIG difference.
In contrast, in the US, when you try to approach and meet a girl you find
attractive but don't know, it feels awkward and uncomfortable like you are
doing something you aren't supposed to be doing. It makes you feel like you
are a creep. This is true even if the American girl is actually friendly and
sociable. Therefore, in the states, in order to try to meet women, you always
have to try to conquer that awkward feeling. It's a constant uphill battle
that really sucks and shouldn't be that way.
By the way, Russian women are not only approachable to me because I am a
foreigner or because they want something from me. It's how they naturally are.
They are that way to Russian men too. So it's not really about me, but about
THEM! I try to keep them as the focus, but my critics tend to prefer to focus
on finding fault with me instead. How convenient.
Testing my claims from your home
You might think that in order to test my claims above, you would have to go to
Russia yourself. You could do that of course, but I have a simpler way for you
to do it right from home. And no, it doesn't involve looking for Russian women
in your local home town either (after all, would you try to learn what black
people are like in Africa from black people in America?). Rather, it involves
contacting average ordinary Russian women on a pen pals site designed for
friendship and exchange of cultures. Remember that since this is not a
marriage agency or dating site, you will almost never find scammers or
conniving gold diggers on it. Therefore, the Russian women from this site are
much more representative of the average typical females in their country. Here
is the link:
Now select "Russia" from the countries menu and click on the "Search" button.
Around 500 results will come up, comprised mostly of Russian female ads. You
can write the ones you find interesting individually, or just send them all a
mass form letter to save time. Many will write you back and from their letters
and words, you can get a glimpse of the traits and qualities in them that I
describe in this essay. But most importantly, to test my main claim here that
they aren't desperate to leave their country, you can poll them or ask their
opinion about moving to America. You find that you will be lucky to find even
one in a hundred among them who is seeking to move permanently to America. Try
it and you'll see what I mean. It will definitely show this myth to be in
The people making these rash statements about Russian women being desperate to
leave their country have never even been to Russia. No one who has spent
extensive time there thinks that people there are desperate to leave their
country. Most Russians are very proud of their country and culture, and it
shows in their traditions, architecture, music, holidays, vibes, etc.
From what I've learned, the reasons why Russian women treat me better and give
me much more attention are:
1) They are NATURALLY friendlier and more open than women in the West. As
mentioned above, they lived under a different economic/societal system than
ours that didn't cultivate a competitive selfish mentality in them like ours
does. And as we all know, people from poorer countries are less spoiled and
selfish too. They make up in personality and soulfulness what they lack in
2) As already mentioned, women in Russia are almost always APPROACHABLE, both
to foreigners and locals, whether they're interested or not (which further
debunks the myth that their friendliness is a cover for ulterior motives). One
can speculate on the reasons for it, but that's the bottom line and reality.
3) In addition, they are naturally curious, communicative, intellectual, and
exploratory by nature. There is a free-spirited uninhibited playfulness about
them which you would have to experience to know what I mean. These are common
traits I've noticed in a very high proportion of Russian women I've met.
4) They have a natural admiration for men, as long as he is good, decent,
kind, and with good character, rather than the deep rooted hatred for men that
American women have influenced by their mothers, peers, and feminist media.
Therefore, they bring out the best in a man, rather than the worst.
5) Some Russian women perceived me as rich and wealthy by their standards
(even if I told them that I'm not).
6) Those that don't care about money still see me as an exotic and interesting
novelty, or as a chance to practice their English with.
7) Finally, like I said earlier, there is a big surplus of attractive single
women in Russia, and a shortage of good men who can treat a women right (which
is inverse to the US). Therefore, a lot of nice single women who have trouble
finding a good available man see me as a valuable find.
Some Russian women are friendly to me due to one of these factors, others are
due to a combination of them. But as you can see above, NONE of the reasons
have to do with them being desperate to leave their country.
A matter of personal qualification
If you still doubt this, then ask yourself this. Who is more qualified to
comment on whether Russian women are desperate to leave their country, someone
like me who has been to 9 cities in Russia, traveled around there for 6 months,
met hundreds of people and had lots of experiences, or the egocentric American
who never goes abroad, gets his/her information from the egocentric US media,
and makes snap judgments about people there being desperate to leave? (Remember
the Saudi Arabia analogy above)
You know, I hate it when people are so judgmental. It's one thing to be
judgmental about something you have a lot of knowledge in, which I can respect.
But when people are judgmental about something they know almost nothing about,
that's ridiculous and a big turn off to me.
The reasons I elaborated on obviously prove that this ignorant myth about
desperate Russian women is wrong. I have been acquainted with many Russian
women, and I can tell you that the majority of them do not act desperate or
project those kind of vibes. They are simply sweeter, more modest, unspoiled,
friendly, unparanoid, etc. and they do not have the self-righteous and arrogant
tone that many American women (and sometimes men) have.
A final warning
By the way, I should warn you though, that once you go to Russia and experience
what I'm talking about, you will NEVER get used to the way women are in America
again. Ever. Seriously. They will seem so MASCULINE and MONSTROUS in
comparison to the women you experienced in Russia and Eastern Europe.
Something deep inside of you will change too, and you won't be the same person
afterward. You have to experience it to truly understand what I mean.
Picture this. Imagine being in an environment like Russia surrounded by women
who admire men and bring out the best in you, getting used to that for 6
months, and then coming back home to be surrounded again by women who hate men,
bringing out the worst in you. Then you'll better understand what I mean about
how hard it is to get used to that.
Thanks for listening.